The Shiny New Toy and the Manager’s Special on a Nazi Budget

It was a Saturday morning, I woke up to two meowing cats in my face, and three dogs whining by my bedside. I look over and my husband is already up. What time is it? Only just past 6:30 A.M., damn. Why is he up already?

I take a moment to force myself out of bed, and do so, tripping over the hungry animal kingdom in the process and grumbling to myself the entire time. I hate the mornings. I head straight toward the coffeepot my husband prepared. As I begin to pour my coffee, a dog jumps up and rakes her claws down my back reacting like the furry child her instinct tells her to be: I am hungry mom. Clearly, she disregards it’s Saturday.

After feeding the beasts, I return to the warmth of my coffee, and assess what to do for the day. My husband enters the living room, seemingly full of “piss and vinegar”, a smile on his face, and says, “I’m going to try to upgrade my phone today”.

No proverbial “good morning” with the kiss to follow? What the hell is going on here?!?

I decide to continue to wake up and take some time for myself on the computer. A few minutes goes by and Mr. Piss and Vinegar begins mapping out the day for us both and rambles on in anticipation about getting a new phone. Who is this man? You hate the mornings too! Join me, won’t you? For the love of Pete, stop talking to me!

Like a small child, I am scurried to go and get ready to leave. We head out and when we arrive to the phone store, it is projected to be a 30-45 minute wait. No biggie he decides, and puts his name in the queue. I blog on my phone, read the blogs of others – laughing out loud while he sits staring at the overhead screen and occasionally commentating with eagerness where he is in line. If only he’d complete my ever-growing honey-do list that way.  It’s a phone dude!

His name is called. Yes! He hurries over to the counter and is suddenly bonded with the employee working there. I remain seated and occasionally glance over at my husband appearing to be quite the conversationalist with intrigue and determination. I’ve seen that side of him before; when he’s bought a flat-screen television. He returns shortly with his bag of goodies in hand, appearing accomplished, and ready to take the next step in the realm of technology.

We head to one of the grocery stores next. As I’m ready to get out of the car and head into the store, he coerces me into checking out every new feature on this phone. I respond with false enthusiasm and think to myself; It’s a phone dude! I see an opportunity for us to head in and do so expeditiously.

Somewhere between the produce and dairy section, he is nowhere in sight. I look around wondering where my other half went. He has the cart and I have an armful of groceries. I take notice to a woman observing what may have been my obvious uncertainty, and explain to her, “I had a husband here somewhere…he must have found an electronic device to stare at”. She appears to relate by nodding and laughing aloud while stating, “That’s a good one.”

The last grocery store we shopped at also happens to be my favorite one. They have random “Manager’s Specials” throughout the store where various items are hidden away in their respective areas – underneath another. It’s for the most part, a seek and find game which offers incredible deals. As we proceed within the store, my husband displays impatience for wanting to leave whilst also becoming the budget Nazi. I conveniently ignore him. We get to the meat section to observe what is/is not on sale. We head down to the end to see what meat has been placed in the marked down section. My husband tells me how last week there had been ground beef for 50% off. This is exciting news to me, and to relay that excitement, I respond to him, “Get out of here!?!” I look over to observe the contents of the bin and there is an older woman standing there facing me with a wide-eyed expression. I smile an uncertain smile wondering why she is looking at me so strangely. Do I know her? She then states, “Fine! I’m out of here!”, and walks off.

I stood there for a moment trying to configure what the heck just happened. I was finally able to put “two and two” together. This poor woman  thought I was telling her to get out of my way! I relate this to my husband who never took notice (Hello! Shiny new toy?). My husband assures me not to worry about it. That it wasn’t my fault she took it that way. I felt horrible! We check out and as we head out of the store, we look over to the person who is ringing the donation bell to the right of us and bidding us a Merry Christmas. It was her. Do I try to explain myself? What should I say? I look over at my husband with a pleading look in my eyes. He, knowing the type of guilt-ridden person I am who quite certainly knows he will never hear the end of it, reaches into his wallet and hands me some cash. I fold it up, walk over to the bell-ringer I so unintentionally offended, and humbly placed the money in the bucket. I then give her a hug and tell her, “Merry Christmas.” The best explanation I thought I could give.

We arrive home, unpack the groceries, and have a quick dinner. I decide to nestle with a good book whilst my husband intermittently discusses the cool features of his shiny new toy. I respond with simple nods and gestures attempting to validated it’s coolness and try to subdue him. After rereading the same sentence several times, I decide to put down the book and appease my husband by focusing on the shiny new toy with him. He responds by taking a picture of me and applies it as his cover photo on his phone. “Gotta have the beautiful momma on my phone”, he tells me.

I think I’m going to like this phone.



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