What to be when I grow up? A mid-life crisis in the making.

Here I am barely past 40. I look beyond today where my children have grown and moved on in their lives. And as I smile anticipating what their bright young futures will be like, I think to myself; “What the heck am I going to do with myself?!?”
Indeed I have been employed in the past although essentially mastered no specific trade. And, embarrassingly enough, I have attended various trade schools and had a little college although never truly completed them. You could say I had a tendency to not follow through with anything relative to self-improvement in order to enhance my career goals. Either that, or I’ve been taking care of my family. Both applicable.
I’m certainly not lazy. I am quite proactive when it comes to being a mother, wife, and friend, and yes – an employee when I worked. Yet somehow this 1950’s persona is unsatisfactory and frightening to me in this stage in my life. I am quite certainly yearning for a bigger purpose. Is it solely for my own satisfaction? Or to relieve myself of societal pressures?
When I naively stated my concerns openly to my mother-in-law, her response was,”Aren’t you happy just being a wife and mother?”
My initial response was to feel defensive and ask,”What does that have to do with anything? Your son has a career and is still a husband and father, isn’t he?” But, I decided to pause at the question and deciphered it was in fact a statement more than a question; that my mother in-law was possibly offering validation to the job I’ve done as a wife to her son and mother to her grandchildren and that she was well aware of the sacrifices and dedication it can take. But for me the question remained; what to do when my children have left the nest? I am not a twiddle-my-thumbs type of gal after all.
My dear friend Vickie advised me to do what I love… I love to read. I love to write. I love to cook and bake. I love music. I love to sing. I definitely possess a love for the creative. But surely all of these loves are interests or hobbies and not career potentials and some not even talents I come close to possess. I choose to KEEP my love of these interests and not feel obligated in doing them. Sounds realistic, right? Or, am I making excuses? Is a potential career outside of my loves a gateway to 8-5 misery?
At this moment, my family have arrived home from work and school. My plans to enhance my career, figure out my life’s purpose, and my mid-life crisis will have to wait until at least tomorrow.

Love Always,

Viva

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2 Responses to What to be when I grow up? A mid-life crisis in the making.

  1. vickiewhat says:

    I love this! Love it! Wife and mother are extremely important jobs, as are nurturing our own dreams and goals. Perhaps more so. A self-actualized person has so much more to give. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we dared to dream the boundless dreams for ourselves, that we so freely wish for our loved ones, especially our children. Thanks for the shout out. xo

    Like

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